Satire: 10 Most Devastating Impacts Of Homeschooling Your Kids
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10 Most Devastating Impacts Of Homeschooling Your Kids
June 9th, 2021 - BabylonBee.com

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So-- you wanna homeschool your kid, huh? Well, it might not all be as great as you think. Read on for a list of reasons homeschooling may completely ruin your kid.


1. Homeschooling makes your children much more likely to grow up to become cisgender: Is that what you want, Mom and Dad? Another cis-normative oppressor making trans people feel unsafe?

2. If you homeschool, your child will miss out on up-to-date works of literature written by trans people of color: Do you really want them to settle for outdated works like The Bible, Shakespeare, or The Tuttle Twins?

3. Homeschool proms are really awkward: Don't make your poor kid go through that, for goodness sake.

4. Homeschooled girls will never experience the magic of sharing a locker room with a 6'4" trans woman named Larry: Don't let your kids miss out on this important life experience.

5. Homeschooled kids usually grow up to be really polite: This is not a very useful character quality for social revolutionaries.

6. If kids don't sit through 8 hours of soul-crushing zoom calls in public school, how will they ever be prepared for a soul-crushing corporate job?: Your children are destined to be good little corporate worker bees. You NEED to prepare them.

7. They will miss out on delicious school lunches: Square pizza and ultra-pasteurized skim milk from a cardboard box? Scrumptious!

8. Denim skirts cause chafing: Just inhumane.

9. They might finish their curriculum early and have more time to be radicalized on YouTube by Jordan Peterson videos: Jordan Peterson is a dangerous cult leader who may radicalize your child into making their bed. Not good!

10. Children may learn that human beings have inherent value as made in God's image: Children who learn that their dignity comes from God and not race, class, or gender identity are not very useful for revolutionary Marxist social change-- er, we mean, a meaningful movement towards greater equity.
"So let us be confident, let us not be unprepared, let us not be outflanked, let us be wise, vigilant, fighting against those who are trying to tear the faith out of our souls and morality out of our hearts, so that we may remain Catholics, remain united to the Blessed Virgin Mary, remain united to the Roman Catholic Church, remain faithful children of the Church."- Abp. Lefebvre
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